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The Secret to Conquering Fear and Learning to Thrive

Fear is false evidence appearing real. Fear is a state of mind, a response to something that may or may not happen. When we live in fear, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to be great. We rob ourselves of living our best lives. When we choose the safer option, it’s not nearly as rewarding as life COULD be if we just gave it a chance... but then that would be risky wouldn’t it... My life is constantly requiring me to take one risk after the other. The second I feel brave and conquer a fear... God throws another decision in my path and I have to choose whether to be brave again or just give up and play it safe. I’ve done both and in my opinion, being brave is WAY more rewarding. Even when I fail.

A year ago, a psychic nail lady told me that there was going to be some changes. And she told me not to be alarmed. And when she saw me quietly freaking out, she shared that “Sunshine is coming...” as she continued painting my toenails. The entire year that I was 27 years old... was weird. There was a lot of foreboding. I eventually lost my job, and I had doubt that I would ever work again. And then, in the blink of an eye, after a long little while, doubt went out the window. Fear went out the window. And all of a sudden, I had options.

The sunshine is here. Thank God. Finally! I had to learn so many lessons last year. It was annoying actually. But it was also exciting. I pushed my butt to take class again, to get a little more snatched, to practice auditioning again. I’ve read so many books lately, and they are all conveying a similar message: that life is one big mental game. If you believe you are a failure, then you are a failure! If you believe you are fierce, the world will straight up agree with you. The physical world is just a tiny fraction of what’s actually going on. If you factor in energy and your attitude and outlook on life, it’s a total game changer.

TMI ALERT: It took me almost THREE effing decades to use a tampon. Because I was afraid. (AFRAID OF WHAT?! I don’t know girl.) I finally did it, and it wasn’t because I pushed it in as hard as I could. NO. One day I just decided. I decided that ‘Today, that’s what I’m gonna do.’ and then I did it.


I just decided. And that sucker slipped right in. 😂 The last time I was sick (y’all I never get sick.) I was on my back for days. I was sick of being sick. And then one day, I woke up and literally said, “Okay, I don’t want to be sick anymore.” I decided that I wasn’t. And I got my butt up and performed on Broadway that night. And oddly enough, I had a voice. And I wasn’t hacking all over the place.

Here’s something else: I noticed that when I need to be somewhere and perform, whether in class or on stage, when I’m nervous and shrouded in doubt, I… I’m kind of… Mediocre. But when I DECIDE TO BE GREAT, and dash fear aside, something magical happens. It’s like— BOOM! There’s a glimmer of a STAR.

Why not DECIDE to be great all the time. Why not decide to live our best lives ALL THE TIME? Why not decide to step into our power and kill it every single opportunity we get?

I’ve always had pretty medium hair. It’s never really been that long my whole life. And one day, I decided that I want big hair. I just… Decided. And now… My hair is the biggest it’s ever been and still growing!!

Chia Messina Photography (on the right obvs)

What is going on?! Here’s what I think: this power isn’t just available to me. But it’s within all of us. And it’s available in every aspect of life. We have to figure out what it is we want and then BELIEVE we deserve it. BELIEVE it can happen. Maybe ‘deserve’ isn’t the right word. Maybe it is. I don’t know.

I was out of work for three months. And then I woke up and said, “My blessing is close. I’m going to book something next week.” And then I did. In fact, your homegirl had options. Now, I’m trying to figure out, was that a little psychic-ness going on? OR did I speak it into existence?? 🤷🏽‍♀️ All I know is that the mind is powerful.

Life is so funny and crazy and interesting. There’s so much that goes on that the eye cannot see. I am interested in tapping more into that. Figuring that out (as much as one can). Because that’s where the exciting stuff is.

God has given me so many signs that everything is going to be OK. But the sign God has sent me the most— is to NOT BE AFRAID. Because fear is crippling. When I am afraid, I stop playing an active role in my life. I make safe choices. And a lot of times, choosing the safer option costs me exponentially in the big picture and the long run. The book I’m reading right now Rich Dad Poor Dad says that most people don’t play to win. They play to not lose.

Can we take a moment of silence for that mic drop.

Literally the definition of acting out of fear.

I definitely have done it. And the ending always sucks! But when I risk something… It’s always rewarding— even when I fail. Because I’m left with no what-ifs. There is no “I wish I would have tried.” When I fail, I feel proud knowing that I failed doing something that at the time I felt was right. But when I failed because I played it safe? UCK! I want to throw up just thinking about those times! But also... A LOT OF TIMES... the risk pays off!

A man I once loved said, “Life is long.” And it is. But also, it’s short. Way too short to not give your dreams a chance.

It’s time to live as big as possible. I want to live out loud in such a way that I feel I have milked the crap out of the few years I have on this planet. I refuse to let my fear rob me of being my greatest self.

RuPaul says, “Die to your old self so you can be reborn to your higher self.” It’s past time to set aside outdated habits of letting fear dictate our lives. What would your life look like if you weren’t afraid of failing? Friends, I’ve decided that it’s time to fly. WHO’S WITH ME?

Ladies and Cuties: Let’s do this thing!

Chia Messina Photography


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