Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Sometimes it seems like God is playing the ultimate joke on me. I’m constantly asking myself: Am I being punk’d? Because this cannot be real.
I’m on my date right now. By myself. (Are we surprised? This literally always happens.) It stings less each time. Jackson W. isn’t here with me. But it’s okay. The waiter, Simon, sent me a glass of pinot noir on the house. And the chocolate cake is exquisite. I’ve been stopped on the street about ten times by WOMEN saying they like my dress! What a compliment. Jackson, my dear, I hope you’re being productive at work this evening. Thanks for telling me about this sexy little speak easy on the Upper West Side. I’m loving it!
I usually wake up around 10ish. But I woke up this morning at 7AM. EXCITED. Butterflies in my stomach. Got my toes done. Got my eyebrow and upper lip waxed. Packed a 20 pound bag for work with the sexiest, prettiest date dress I own and my good hair! I toiled over which accessories would have the effect I’m going for. I said no to plans for tonight for the last week and a half. I skipped my workout this morning so I could scrub every inch of my apartment, just in case. I have on the tiniest little g-string wedged so far up my butt cheeks that I may never get it out. I SHAVED PASSED MY KNEE.
For Jackson who casually cancelled a few hours ago. Have I learned my lesson yet? This isn’t even the fifth time this has happened. Jackson isn’t alone in cancelling day of. I go out of my way A LOT for men. And whenever and whoever the guy is cancels, they just have no idea what I went through to prepare for the evening. They don’t know that I shaved my legs for the first time in months for them. The hours. The energy I put into making sure the evening is PERFECT. All he knows is that I’m “disappointed.” But truly—I’m furious.
I’m furious that there isn’t ONE. ONE guy that “get’s it.” I’m not asking for much:
Show up to our first date.
Have a job.
Be into women.
Maybe don't have a wife and kids waiting for you at home.
Bonus: Have some ambition.
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills people!
I refuse. I absolutely refuse to settle for anything less. Maybe there will be one that will rise to the occasion. But maybe not. And if not… Well—thank you, God. I just so happen to be able to afford my own glass of wine. And the lobster. And I just so happen to be a good time all on my own.
Thank you, Simon, my waiter for taking such good care of me. And thank you Jackson for being one final reminder for me to stop waiting for my knight in shining armor. It’s time to stop looking for a hero. I’ve become the man I’ve always wanted to marry.
My check just came— Everything was comped. Cheers.