IG: @salishathomas

He slips into my DMs. Hey baby, looking for a sugar baby. I will pay your rent, your bills and give you $5000 allowance per week. Just need a companion.

Hilarious. OBVIOUSLY this is not a thing. I call my friend to tell her so I can share this hilarious message with someone. Between laughter, she tells me she knows people who do this for a living.


I’m sorry what?

After extensive research down a google rabbit hole, y’all this is ABSOLUTELY a thing. My brain is about to explode as the realization that I’ve been dating older guys most of my life… for FREE. That although there’s different types of sugar daddies, you don’t have to have sex with them. And even better—SOME JUST WANT TO TALK ON THE PHONE. I’m like, wait what?! If this is a thing, THIS IS THE GIG. BRING ON THE PRADA BAGS. Instead of it being a huge joke, I’m now beginning to feel cautiously optimistic with a healthy dose of skepticism.

I write my pending sugar daddy back: Go on. I’m listening…

He’s cute. He lives in Florida. He has a dog. He just wants a digital sugar baby. Phone and text.

I sit in silence. Thinking. Wondering. Googling: Is this illegal. Can I go to JAIL.

No. and No. Well what the heck is the catch? THERE HAS TO BE A CATCH. Other than the fact that I wouldn’t really be able to tell anybody…kinda seems a little gold-diggerish if you ask me. But hey, I didn’t seek it out. It seems to have fallen in my lap. Who am I to turn down a financial blessing in the middle of a global pandemic in a world where how I make my living doesn’t exist at the moment?

I sit in more silence. Listening to my gut. Asking myself, but is it safe? And also, if this is indeed a thing, I could have been a millionaire long ago. I don’t even have to see him in person?! The real question is, is there a maximum number of sugar daddies one girl can have?

Pending Sugar Daddy and I message back and forth. I notice he mixes up his you’re/yours and they/they’re/theirs. RED FLAG.

I notice he’s not great at making conversation over messages. And if he’s looking to spend THAT much money on a “companion” over messages…that’s another RED FLAG.

I notice he’s offered me more money than the Sugar Baby average that google reports. I think about it. But then I’m like…yeah…I’m pretty expensive. And I’m worth it. But then again… a good businessman would start lower and then be willing to negotiate up. RED FLAG.

I’m starting to feel like…yeah. There’s no way THIS dude is for real. Even though this actually is a thing and many people do it, I think this guy is full of you know what. Any man who is that rich, who can afford a sugar baby at those rates, he’s got to be very intelligent. Right? You don’t get that rich by being a dumbass. Right? Surely you’re able to form a sentence. And he has some mighty trouble forming a sentence.

So I decide to not trust him. (Phew! Amiright?) BUT, if you know me, you know I live for a good rollercoaster of events. So I play along until the SCAM part reveals itself and becomes full blown. Now, the worst-case scenario becomes that if I actually receive a $5000 deposit, I’m a freaking sugar baby! LOL! AAHHH!!

I call up PayPal. I talk to a representative to make sure I’m protected from shady ass peeps. They give me the lowdown. They’re in my corner. I give my paypal link to Pending Sugar Daddy.

He seems eager to get started. I don’t blame him. I’m cute. Haha.

BUT THEN, he says he needs to talk to his manager about the transfer.

AND THEN he says I have to message the manager myself.

I’m like… And so it begins. I keep my best friend in the loop every step of the way. The “manager” can ALSO barely form a sentence. I’m thinking, Jeeze. They could try a little harder. He tells me he’s initiating the transfer. I look at Vanessa. I’m like, “GIRL. What do I do if they actually send me the money?!” We start laughing. She’s like… “You will officially be the winner of life. Spend it immediately.”

The manager starts sending me screenshots of the transaction. And BOOM like a ton of bricks, I feel in my spirit EXIT. NOW. At the exact same time, Vanessa receives a phone call and it rings out loud. I say, do you need to get that? She says causally, “Naw. It literally says Scam Alert.”

She literally was receiving a phone call that said SCAM ALERT that had nothing to do with me. But had everything to do with me. I can just picture my Guides on the other side being like, THIS SIGN IS FOR YOU, SALISHA! ARE YOU LISTENING?!

You bet I’m listening.

Right then, the manager says, “You have not much time to get a redeemable card so I can confirm your payment.”

They want me to upload X amount of money so that I can complete the transfer. HA!

I didn’t remember PayPal mentioning that I would need to upload money to complete a transfer: BECAUSE THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

Man. If I was an undercover cop, I would have gotten them!

I message back the manager: No thanks. I’m out.

I message back Pending Sugar Daddy: Cold hard cash. Or I’m out. (lol, who am I.)

Vanessa and I are literally laughing at these guys as they actually try and convince me that it’s for real. It reminded me of the time that the “IRS” called me on the phone to yell at me. I’m like… hmmm….First of all, I didn’t do anything wrong. And I don’t owe them anything. Secondly, I feel like they would just send snail mail or show up on the doorstep. You feel me? They don’t yell at people because they don’t need to do that.

ANYWAY.  I’m safe. I don’t have a sugar daddy. It would have been kind of exciting. But, God’s provided for me just fine in this time of WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD. Although I have no idea what the future brings, I’ll just keep planting seeds and trusting that God will keep being my provider. And I’m also keeping my fingers crossed that the man in my life can form a sentence. 

  • Salisha

One of the things I learned from pageants is to 1) Have an opinion and 2) be able to voice that opinion in a way that doesn’t offend anybody. Doing that successfully is an art and a skill that has taken many years for me to develop. It’s an art and a skill that today: is useless.

We are living in a world today where silence is synonymous with racism and bigotry. Not speaking up during Black Lives Matter is quietly saying that you wish the whole thing would just go away. There’s an entire silent group of people, that quietly went to the polls and put someone in office that said that painting Black Lives Matter on Fifth Avenue was a hate crime. 

The other side of the coin, is speaking up. But in Order to speak up, we have to say things that are uncomfortable. I honestly cringe when people ask me to sit on panels and talk about my experience as a black woman. I cringe because of COURSE I have stories. Stories that I’ve kept to myself because that’s just the way it’s always been. Stories that I know will make someone feel bad. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a woman or a minority or maybe just an empath, but I HATE when I make someone feel bad. It’s a HORRIBLE feeling for me. I will go to extreme lengths to make those around me feel comfortable, even if my own dignity is at stake. Literally, this is a YIKES for so many reasons. 

Aside from me stepping into my grown woman self, it’s 2020 and that means the stakes have never been higher to stand up for what you believe in. Stand up or be on the wrong side of history. Stand up so that when our children ask what we did during this historic time we can TELL them we took action. People will be uncomfortable. Do it anyway. Say it anyway. If you feel something ringing in the depths of your soul, listen to that and speak up!

YOUNG PEOPLE. IF YOURE READING THIS, GO TO VOTE.ORG AND APPLY FOR A MAIL IN BALLOT. It’s so fast and so easy. And SO IMPORTANT. Send it in as soon as you can in case there are delays. Back in the day, for a black person to vote, they would have to first guess how many jelly beans were in a jar. And if they were wrong, they were denied voting privileges. This is one of many cruel ways to suppress our vote. Now, the sitting president is trying to suppress EVERYONES vote regardless of color by making it as difficult as possible. DO NOT LET THIS STOP YOU. We have to vote like our democracy depends on it. We have to vote like our lives depend on it—BECAUSE IT DOES. 

I have to admit that this was the first year I’ve ever watch the Democratic National Convention. And quite honestly, I was glued to the screen, feeling a sense of hope and that maybe the America that I love isn’t gone forever. I’m so proud of that little boy with the speech impediment that spoke on that national stage last night. And I’m proud of Biden for his powerful speech as well. 

The candidates aren’t perfect, but I believe they are what the Nation needs in this moment in history. 

Please, exercise your right— and vote. 

Salisha Thomas

  • Salisha

What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?

How did it work out for you? Did you survive it? Did you have regrets?

I’m asking myself these questions because I’ve gone and done it. Something that truly defies logic and reason. I knew it before, while, and after I was doing it that it was going to be a lot. I dropped a big ole bomb right smack dab in the center of my life.

I don’t mean to keep you in the dark. I truly can’t talk about it. With anyone. That’s the worst part. Doing something and having to forge it solo for a little while. I’m at peace with my decision. But… it may actually blow up in my face. Let me rephrase that: I’m EXPECTING it to blow up in my face.

The last time I did something this terrifying was when I quit my job at Disneyland and moved across the country knowing only a couple of people in New York City.  I didn’t have a show lined up (however I did have a restaurant job waiting for me). I was terrified to uproot my life and not know how it would all end up. But I had peace with the situation because down in my bones, in my deepest gut, it’s what I wanted to do so badly; that even if I failed, I was going to be grateful that I at least gave myself the CHANCE to fly. And by the grace of God, fly I did.

I’m at a similar crossroads now in terms of the stakes. And also, a huge difference being: When I moved to New York City, I had big dreams and prayed and hoped it would happen for me. With this crossroads this week, I am actually anticipating failure. I really don’t see it working out in my favor. But I did it anyway. You know why?

Because something inside of me was SCREAMING at me telling me I had to do it. I fought it knowing I would end up looking DUMB AF. But the urge inside of me grew so great that it began to manifest physically. I’m like, Dear GOD. FINE I’ll do it! Just so my body could relax again, and sure enough, after metaphorically jumping off the cliff, my body is back at homeostasis. Jury’s still out on if it was worth it. I am fully prepared to get banged up on the way down, but I hope that doesn’t happen.

This pandemic is teaching me a lot of things, but one of the main lessons I’m learning is to take things Day by Day. And sometimes, I need to break it down into even smaller chunks and go moment by moment. I cannot solve everything by myself and all at once. I have to be strategic, have a plan, take action, and have patience. In fact, sometimes the things on my “Do Not Do” list is harder than the “To Do” list.

Do not straighten or cut my hair out of curiosity or boredom when I know good and well that I’m trying to grow it out and keep it healthy.

Do not text that man who NEVER texts or calls you. He clearly wants nothing to do with you so just let him be!

Do not eat everything in the pantry just because it’s there.

Do not go buy any gowns Salisha. You literally have no whereto go except your couch and the drive thru Starbucks.

You get my drift?

My to-do list on the other hand is ALWAYS endless and sometimes mindless:

Workout for an hour

Read Bible for an hour

Make a green juice for you and dad

Walk for an hour


Finish your book proposal

Redo your Query letter for class

Draft a blog

Research Literary Agents

Moisturize your hair

Date night

Spend time with parents

Finish book for bookclub

Make singing video for XYZ

Commercial Audition prep—recruit Vanessa

Grocery run or put in for grocery delivery

Swish coconut oil in mouth during shower

The list can truly go on for years.

But this week, with the weight of the world on my shoulders, I found myself driving to my parents’ house and not doing anything else but just CHILLING OUT. After finishing a full page of an intense coloring book and three games of scrabble later, I’m ready for a movie and/or a nap.

Skipped my workouts. Not a veggie in sight. And yes, I definitely will take that extra piece of chicken if you don’t mind.

But also, I feel proud of myself for being brave. Being afraid but doing what I feel I need to do anyway makes me feel courageous. I did see a positive sign though, before I went and burned down my world. Usually on my long walk, I see vultures circling around the same one or two houses. And instead of seeing vultures, I saw a white dove fly across my path.

I was like, Hmmm… that never happens. Random… Odd… I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s not a coincidence and go forth. And off I went. I will check in soon and let you know I’m alright. If I disappear off social media….CALL FOR HELP. SEND PRAYERS. Lol

Joking but like also serious. 😅

Whatever you may have been thinking of doing, if it’s on your heart and mind, if you keep mulling it over, if you’re terrified but you feel in your gut it’s the right thing to do, DO IT. If you end up being wrong and it’s turns out horribly, here’s the Good News takeaway: You’re fine tuning your ear. I literally practice listening to my gut. And I realize that for me it has taken TIME to decipher when it’s just my head in a tailspin or when it’s the Holy Spirit giving me direction. Sometimes I’m like, THIS IS FOR SURE GOD…just to find out that NOPE. Girl that wasn’t it. Oh but when things do work out gloriously after I’ve just taken a risk, I take a big ole mental note of what it felt like before I took the leap. And so that the next time I feel that same feeling, it’s familiar, and I know what to do. (And waste less time getting at it!)

If you were wondering (and even if you weren’t), that’s actually my whole secret for life. For me, that skill is still being fine-tuned. But it’s an active journey of awareness. When people comment on my journey seeming like things just always seem to ‘work out,’ I assure you it’s not because I’m the bomb. It’s because I’m taking direction from a higher power and following those nudges that don’t seem logical to anyone else.

But alas, I still get things wrong. A lot. Stay tuned for this latest venture. And Godspeed for your next big adventure. Follow the nudge. Have courage. Go forth.


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