Monday, November 30, 2015
I’m sitting here reading the Women of the Year issue of Glamour Magazine. It’s so inspiring. There’s a quote in here from Michelle Obama:
“…If I had worried about who thought I was cute when I was your age, I wouldn’t be married to the President of the United States.” (and then drops the mic.)
When I think about New York—my heart yearns. Not because there is someone there that I miss. But because I am truly in love with the City. No other place compares to New York. It’s such a direct replica of a real relationship that I think the City itself could actually be my significant other.
In today’s society, it’s hard to miss someone because of all the social media that we are wired up to. But New York doesn’t text me or message me or leave voicemails or write on my wall. I see him on TV a lot and in pictures in my magazines. Everybody talks about him all the time. So I think of him often but don’t get to enjoy him for myself unless I’m in his presence.
It really is a love/hate relationship except there isn’t any hate at all. It can be a hard city. Like when I’m walking home in the snow holding 50lbs worth of groceries; or if I’m doing laundry and realize I don’t have enough quarters to finish drying my clothes. Or when I realize that there’s something in my bed that’s been eating me every night, or when I just can’t catch a cab for the life of me when I actually need to get somewhere, or when I’m just exhausted but go home to my building without an elevator and have to brave the stairs or else I don’t get to sit down. There’s a million scenarios and valid reasons that exist to not like New York. I know and have experienced many hard days, but even then knowing that it isn’t easy, I love him anyway. At the end of the day, I could always look out my window or go to the roof and admire the lights, the buildings, the view and still say, “I love you. Thank you for creating space for me here.”
In New York, I get to live in the moment all of the time. I don’t need drugs or alcohol. The city IS my drug. There is so much passion, ambition, and excitement within his arms. If I don’t spend time outside, then my day has completely been thrown in the trash in my opinion. I don’t care if it’s snowing, raining, or so hot and muggy that the air is almost too thick to breath. Every single day I have to go outside and breath him in. I always find that on rainy days, I plan on staying in and being cozy all day…BUT THAT NEVER HAPPENS. Instead, I somehow end up in my Hunters with my puff jacket and clear, dome umbrella walking and splashing through the rain and avoiding the trains. And then I always wonder, how did I choose this?! I was determined to stay in today and instead I’m in Bryant Park with my 78 year old friend, Edward sitting on a park bench laughing and getting soaked, and neither of us care!
I miss New York so much. What if this whole time I’ve been waiting for my Superman to appear, that I’ve already met him? New York City. After all, it was love at first sight. And I’ve never been more myself than when I’m there. The energy of the city is an embrace like no other. Sometimes, I just have to get to the center of Manhattan and just roll around in the grass and lay there giggling like a fool by myself. I’ve never been able to explain it before but it’s actually beginning to make sense: I’ve been in love once in this lifetime and my feelings with the city seem to be very similar. Being so happy and absolutely everything is just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Laughing and enjoying inside jokes and understandings.
Yes. I totally yell at him when I am expecting a hot shower and he surprises me only with cold water. But then he makes it up to me by having me run into people on the street who I’ve looked up to since I was a little girl, or always giving me a slam dunk on awesome roommates, or nudging me into the right place at the right time.
Dear New York, thank you for taking care of me when I’m with you. I hate being away for so long, but I’m doing what I have to do now so that I can do what I want to do later. I hope that when I return, I will have the means to stay much much longer. Please remember me and secure a place for me when I come back.